When Jesus was born, three wise men appeared. When I was born, I was the wise man making an appearance.
People always ask me when did people know I was great, special, unique etc. ? I always respond with the same answer, “ask the midwife who delivered me”.
It’s been reported that in the maternity ward moments after my birth, other delivering Mothers temporarily halted their contractions, just to take sight of what had been brought into the world.
It was clear to everyone who had the pleasure of teaching me, that I was a prodigy. The envy the teachers had for me, even at nursery age was clear to see.
Naturally with a talent such as mine, I was bullied, but not by students, it was the teachers. The worst were the English teachers, they knew I should be the one sitting behind the teachers desk preaching to the class and they despised me for it.
My supreme intellect must have humiliated them, for this reason, they deliberately marked me down in every exam, E at GCSE and a D at A-Level. I appealed, of course I appealed, but these systems are corrupt at their core and it was a hopeless task.
It didn’t matter to me one bit that my academic record was described by one teacher as being ideal for that of an Amazon warehouse worker. I knew I didn’t need a GCSE, A-Level, degree or masters to show the world how great my poetry was.
It was clear to me that the world would financially reward me for such skill & talent, they same as it does for a professional football player.
After spending 8 years of my life seemingly invisible to the literary world and barely covering my living costs. I decided to become more entrepreneurial with my poetry. I soon learned that if I used the guise of charity to request money in return for poetry, people were more than willing to hand over their money.
I travelled from town to town for 6 months up and down the land, I started off with my ‘Poem For A Mosquito Net’ guise, the idea was, I would give them a poem and in return they would donate an amount to save people dying from Malaria. It soon dawned on me though that most people didn’t seem to care about foreign children dying in their millions from malaria, so I then started the ‘Poem For Local Blind Kids’ which was far more lucrative. After 6 months of work, I was finally bringing in the money my poetry deserved.
As my fortune grew, it may surprise you to learn I became quite egocentric. I realised that if I myself, could pose as both blind and even more disabled, it was an absolute golden goose.
It was after purchasing my Rolls-Royce that the law finally caught up with me. My fall from grace was astronomical. Like Icarus, I had flown too close to the sun.
After spending a year inside HM Swaleside, I have transformed as a person. I met so many great and illustrious men inside those walls including Victor the Viking, Billy The Kid-napper, Lenny & Roger The Gay. I consider many of these people my friends today and despite the fact many of them will never likely be released, something we should thank our lucky stars about, I will still never forget them.
I have remained a free man for over 2 months now and am finally looking to put my past behind me by doing something noble with my life.
Coming Soon.
